I've been diving into a lot of deeper healing and introspection these last few months. Based off of my own personal experiences I'd like to share this bit of writing, in hopes that it may help others:
A few ways we may be unknowingly self-sabotaging and some solid advice through someone whose been through some serious shit:
(In no particular order)
1) Projection / not facing our own darkness: traumas, insecurities, etc.
To face your stuff full-on is not easy but it is so very necessary in order to learn the lessons and move forwards. The more you do this work, the more you can come to trust yourself. Bit by bit you build yourself up to continue facing the struggles of life and turning them into fuel for your fire to motivate you to be the best version of yourself. If you wish to be in your power - you need to be able to differentiate what's yours from what's others. It's common that if you have a negative interaction with some who also struggles with their own trauma/issues then the line can become blurry and conflict just creates more un-needed tension in your life. Clarity will come with time and dedication.
Looking to our partnerships to satiate the pain of our wounds or to deflect our own darkness and issues is very much a thing. Although the high of love can be elating and considerably very healing, we run the risk of neglecting our deeper inner work and also having our issues bleed into our partners lives which could cause things like: co-dependency, distracting ourselves from our own self-work by putting another person first or even hurting the people we care about. You are the one that's going to save yourself, no one else can do the work for you.
3) Substance abuse:
Some may attempt to drown out the pain with alcohol or drugs as they lack the tools, resources, support or even motivation. Healing is a process and it's one we want to be clear for. Look to other ways of centering your mind, there are so many options: Seek therapy, talk to someone you trust that's willing to listen and perhaps offer their insights as well, go to yoga classes (lifechanging), set some simple goals out for yourself (starting with 1 week goals, 1 month goals and maybe even 1 year goals), journal everything and anything daily, spend time outside and soak in the subtle tones of natures beauty - to name some of my favourites. (There's a phone app called All Trails that will certainly help you find new places to explore if wherever you live).
4) Emotional reactivity or jumping:
When triggered we may be subject to making a rash decision in the heat of our emotions. In my case, I've looked to making the sudden decision to move away or in some cases, you could be quick to burn a bridge with a friend, family member or lover. This un-grounded stubbornness is something you can conquer though. Sleeping on a decision is one of the wisest things you can do - you'll notice more of what you truly want and how you really feel the next day. Sometimes a move may be a healthy option if you want a healthier change of surroundings, or perhaps you burnt a bridge with someone that actually isn't good for you but all in all, it's important to stay the course, trust the process, stay curious and be open to change. Shifts can be difficult but stay soft.
Creating big change in your life starts with understanding what's inside of you and working to change it. Seeing your own issues more clearly may require you to take space from people, even those that we care about but trust - you're doing yourself and everyone else a favour by taking this time to tune-in and change.
Through the process of healing, if things seem to be falling apart - think of the big picture just coming together. I always say, sometimes you need to make a mess and get all your stuff out in the open in order to tidy up.
Thank you for reading. I hope that this helps. <3